It's been a while and I'm sorry. Between the kids school and my crazy work schedule I have had nearly no time to do the things I have been meaning to. Like blog. or vlog. But I am trying to get myself more organized to that I can do things, like blog. or vlog.
I was given some medication to take daily that I never thought I would ever take but now that I've been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Social Anxiety I'm happy that the medication seems to be working. I'm not as sad as I have been, other than the high stress of the time I went to court (I still need to turn in the paperwork to the court house) I seem to be doing well. I've been given Prozac, I'm starting the second month of the pills and I was told the it would reach full potency after 8 weeks so I'm looking forward to that, I was also given Xanax but I haven't taken any yet. I am hoping that I'm on the right track about feeling better, I'm going to give it a few months and hopefully it's all I need. I guess it's one of those 'wait and see' moments.
I have decided to take my mental health seriously and decided to see a therapist and psychologist. I was given an anti-depressant and a serotonin booster. Weekly therapy sessions are also in the plans for me. This is all new for me, I've never done this before. I hope that this helps, not only for the short term, but also the long run. I want to be happy like I used to be. I am really tired and want to stop crying so much.
I'm so emotionally spent right now. You ever get involved with a person that always seems to let you down when they say they're going to do something? I have, for the last 4 years. That person told me they're changed, but so far? Nope! Still same ol' same ol'. I think it's time to move on from that relationship and downgrade them from 'friend' to "mild acquaintance". Perhaps this can be part of the whole 'reorganizing my life' thing. That person has been a negative impact in my life so far, the only good thing that came out of that relationship is that I met, thru them, a rather genuine person, that has been a positive influence in my life. I feel like it's finally time to move on.
I don't feel like an adult. Not one bit. I'm 32 and I still feel like I'm 17. I have no idea what to do with my life, even now with 3 kids, 2 of which are entering into thier teens. I have a decent job that I can do vertually anywhere in the world, but I stay at home. Speaking of which, is a rental. I think I need to change up what I am doing. I need to focus more on what I want out of life, and why I am so afraid of doing what I want to do.
During the first 30 miutes of walking into this year's Phoenix Comicon I decided I wanted a tattoo. Actually I wanted a tattoo when I noticed there was a booth with two tattoo artists working on two different people. One getting a tattoo on the back of their thigh, and another getting one on thier bicep. The artwork was gorgeous!
I want one, now. Not sure of what and where, but I want one.
Have you ever felt like you completely embarrassed yourself in public? How about in front of someone who you've been a fan of and then they look at you like you're completely nuts?
Oh, yeah. Happened to me at Comicon.
I realized that I am nowhere near normal for a decent conversation. I work better when I'm in the safety of my own home, in front of my computer. At least I sound just a bit more intelligent.
I think next year I will not even go near the Celebrity tables. AT ALL. Just stick to the panels, maybe brave the crowds in the exhibitor hall (maybe bring a flask of alcohol). This…just isn't my year.
There have been a lot of things since my last blog post. The apartment building that I have been living in for 8 + years was sold, and the new owners were not giving us new leases when the old one expired-in essence, they were kicking everyone out. Boo. We were given several months notice, so we started the process of purging the items we no longer used or needed and donated to the regular charity that we always donated to. Then we cut down our bills, so we could afford a higher rent price if needed. We looked for a couple of weeks before we found an ad that looked good: 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom house with a front and back yard. We jumped on it! It was occupied when we took the tour, and even with all the other person's stuff we liked what we saw.
So we got it.
1 year lease, and the only difference in price was approximately $50 higher than what we were previously paying. A pretty good deal. We also had less stuff to move, but to be honest it was still a lot of stuff. We decided to forgo the dressers and simply donate the clothing we no longer used, to accommodate the small closets. We can still donate more things but at this point in time I'm still tired from the move.
One thing we did invest in was grass seeds and a garden hose. Our back yard was filled with weeds when we were given the key to the house, so we pulled the weeds and were left with a dirt lot. It's our first foray into grass growing and once we seeded and watered it grew in patches. We'll try again later, but for now we are pretty proud of our little patches.
Getting into this rental house got me thinking of how I want my own place now. After all, both my brothers are homeowners (one of them did own 2 of them at one point) And looking at the size of this place and what I want I think I can make it happen. I've been interested in this Dave Ramsey finance stuff so I might give it a try. I was thinking of doing his Baby Steps to see if that works for us.
We live paycheck to paycheck and it's been like that for years. We want to change that so we can at least have some money saved up for emergencies. We're happy with the new place. Hopefully we can grow as a family both in closeness and in finances.
Insomnia can be a bitch. I’ve got a pill to help me sleep but it makes it extremely hard to wake up in the morning. That’s rather difficult for me since I starting working some shifts in early morning. It’s pretty lose/lose for me. My usual relaxation techniques keep getting interrupted, so it’s not that relaxing.
Add to the fact that I may need to find another part time job, the stress levels I’m facing is higher than I normally am used to. Sometime faking happy is easier than actually being happy.
Lately I’ve been on a craft kick. Quilting, sewing, knitting, crocheting. Now, Soap making. I’ve been hitting Hobby Lobby to get some things, but I’ve also been hitting thrift stores as well, getting crock pots, spoons, and other things because I want to start making soap using KOH and NaOH (Lye). I want to make my own liquid castile soap, instead of buying Dr Bronner’s (not that I don’t like it. I just want to make a lot and not worry about how much I am using for the purposes I use it for. In the next couple of months I will start with basic soap and work my way to liquid castile soap. I don’t plan on selling any of the soap, I just want it for home use, and I want to know the stuff in the soap my family uses. For example, my son gets a severe reaction to aloe, I want to make sure that there is no aloe in the soaps we have, both liquid and solid.
Since I have more time because work is cutting my hours, I will have more time on my hands to work on all my craft things.