I stood at the gate to the Governor’s Mansion, deciding where to go, and if I was going to cry my eyes out or make the best of the situation. The crying my eyes out option was winning.
I wandered the streets, I even stood in the middle of the road while a carriage traveled on it. I can officially say that some people do get freaky in a carriage while it’s traveling. Yowza!
I noticed that when things did pass thru me it tingled slightly. Like someone was tickling me with a feather. Not quite nice but not all bad. Just disconcerting as all hell.
I saw a lot of nicely dressed people head towards he fortress, as the movie plot continued, undisturbed by my presence…so to speak. I decided to follow the ebb and flow of the plot, it should be good for a laugh before I go completely insane.
I spotted Elizabeth fairly easily and sidled up beside her and fanned myself with a pretend fan, like all the other ladies.
“Oh! It’s so hot and humid here in the tropics and here I am in a big heavy dress and an itty bitty fan! Aren’t I pretty?” I complained nasally and with a posh Brit accent.
Why yes, I was smartass, since no one was listening to me anyway. A bunch of men in bright red Marine uniforms entered the courtyard marching in two lines.
“Oh look! It’s ‘stick-out-like-sore-thumbs’ guys. Woo! The party’s really gonna start now.”
Ok. I was being snotty. You would be too if you were in my position. I watched some more as they formed a colonnade with bayoneted rifles pointed in the air. Rule Britannia started being played and a man in a blue coat marched down between the two rows and up to the Governor and his equally bewigged cronies. The Governor presented him with the sword that was brought by Will Turner as part of the ceremony, the newly appointed Commodore then did a fancy little move with it.
“Over glorified baton twirler.” I mumbled to no one in particular.
The ceremony continued, and once it was done there was mingling and scones. I wandered around, staring at the ridiculous hair-dos and effeminate wigs on the heads of equally effeminate men.
I spotted Elizabeth and the newly appointed Commodore going off for a private chat. I followed them for the inevitable bungled marriage proposal.
I sat down on the ridiculously low wall separating the cliff from the rest of the fort. I watched as they approached my spot. Elizabeth was huffing, and the Commodore was quite oblivious to it.
“You look lovely, Elizabeth.”
I shook my head while she nodded her thanks. “In case you didn’t notice, Commodore Oblivious, she can’t breath!” And of course, he stumbled on.
“I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind.” Elizabeth was clutching at her dress, still trying to gain a breath. The Commodore looked out over the bay as he spoke. “This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved.”
He dramatically turned to her. “A marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth.”
I rolled my eyes. “Subtle. Real subtle.”
“I can’t breathe.” Elizabeth gasped. The Commodore turned away again. I’m pretty sure he was blushing but my attention was on Elizabeth as she fainted and fell over the side of the wall.
“And there she goes. Dude, your girlfriend just fell into the ocean.” I commented to him, over my shoulder. I watched in morbid fascination as she fell and went splash!
“Yes, I’m a bit nervous myself.” He turned back around. “Elizabeth?” I looked at him as he searched the spot where she was standing and pointed over the side. He looked down and saw the aftermath of the splash. “Elizabeth!!!!” He yelled, alerting the other uniform guys. “My God!” He gasped as he struggled out of his jacket.
“I know you’re not going in after her. That’d just ruin a major part of the plot.” I said to him, acting as if he could actually hear me, as a lieutenant grabbed his arm, to prevent him from doing something stupid.
“The Rocks! Sir, It’s a miracle she missed them.” The Commodore shrugged his jacket back on and started to run.
“I hope you realize that you’d never get there in time!” I shouted after them. “Just be sure to thank Jack Sparrow!” I shook my head again. “Putz.”