Sometime I feel so selfish for the things I want. My therapist says that it's ok to want things for myself, that I shouldn't feel guilty and that I need to treat myself every now and again. The things I want seem so outlandish for our family at the moment. I want a car younger than 20 years, in fact I want a brand new car because I know the air conditioning in a new car should work. I want to own an actual house with some land, I want to grow things that my family will love to eat. I want fruit trees and a vegetable garden. I want to bake my own bread, grind my own wheat. I want chickens for fresh eggs, I want a goat for some fresh milk, I want some dogs and not be restricted by a landlord as to what breed or size the dogs are. I want to be able to fix up the house and not require some strangers approval. I want to make my own workshop where I can make my own furniture, the way I want to. I want to put in solar panels, and not depend so much on a power company.
I get frustrated because all this requires something I don't have. Money. That's why we started budgeting, we don't make a lot, but there's a lot of things we don't need to spend money on. It's going to be difficult, but eventually we'll get there. I just want my kids to grow up in a place that they can call home.